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Senator Vitter’s Brothel Visits: Times Haven’t Changed
Posted by Raven on July 11th, 2007
I wasn’t going to write anything about this DC Madam and Senator Vitter business. But..I just have a few things to say about it all.
I used to dance for men. And was paid to do so. Dirty dances; nekkid dances, strip tease dances…
Well the men come in these places
And the men are all the same
You don’t look at their faces
And you don’t ask their names
You don’t think of them as human
You don’t think of them at all
You keep your mind on the money
Keeping your eyes on the wallI’m your private dancer
A dancer for money
I’ll do what you want me to do
I’m your private dancer
A dancer money
Any old music will do
Married men, and those who are in a longer term relationship have ***issues*** when it comes to…paying for sex. A dirty secret of the trade here, exposed.
This passage says a lot:
“As far as the girls coming out after seeing David, all they had was nice things to say. It wasn’t all about sex. In fact, he just wanted to have somebody listen to him, you know. And I said his wife must not be listening,” Maier said.
And this:
“It wasn’t all about dirty, raunchy, crazy sex,” Maier said. “It was a bunch of guys coming over hanging out with the girls and having a few cocktails, and men being men.”
I have been on the other side of this. I was one of these high end paid girls. And I can say this: The married men (& those in a longer term relationship but not married) who would come to these places rarely were able to actually have sex. They wanted to. They tried. But for whatever reasons, they couldn’t. It didn’t matter what their age was or how long they had been married. It didn’t matter how much money they had. It didn’t matter that some of the girls (like me) were very young and very eager to please. It didn’t matter how alluring the dances were; it didn’t matter how hard we worked.
THE MEN COULDN’T GET IT UP!!! And for the few who could, IT WOULDN’T STAY UP!! Yea there were a few here and there who get it up, but IT wasn’t UP ENOUGH to perform.
So yes, serving cocktails and talking often ended up being the highlight of the night.
The men were totally embarrassed and full of excuses. Some blamed us- the girls, others blamed recent health problems; but most just walked out in shame and were never seen by us again. I’m sure this inability to perform had much more to do with the fact these men knew there were doing something wrong and immoral- the guilt factor set in. And I also think the environment was a factor- it’s not as glamorous or alluring or sexy as some might suggest- being with a call girl- no matter how high end she is…
Many of the men would tell me how much I reminded them of their own teenage daughters. Many of these men would talk for hours about their wives: How good a mother they were to his kids; the great meal they had just eaten a couple hours ago; how patient and wonderful these women were…I often heard about the work problems of the men too. It seemed that work issues were more on the mind than much else for some of these losers. Deadlines, meetings, cranky bosses, nasty co workers were a source of intense stress for so many of these men.
I used to get beat up by my “boss” if I asked too many questions of these men. But ask I did. The men settled for drinks and a back rub because they couldn’t do anything more. But we always gave them the time. They paid for it.
Why are you here? Why do you need me? And why can’t you do what you came here to do?
Because my wife won’t listen to me. She doesn’t understand me.
Do you talk to her?
No.
If you talked to her the way you talk to me she might listen and understand, sir.
In the innocence of my experience with life up to that point, I learned something about men that most men don’t know about themselves. That is this: They chose who they will and will not talk with; they set themselves and their marriages and relationships up for failure by being stubborn and mule like. Not too many wives or GF’s would refuse to listen or take part in conversations…after all women are the talkers, right? Women thrive on communication. I also learned that men are just as damn yacky if not more so, but oddly they open up to perfect strangers. And babble on for freakin hours at a time. In the context of those days when I was a highly sought commodity (sex is just that)- men would show their true colors through talk and not through actual sex.
It doesn’t surprise me to read articles about Senator Vitter and his times spent in the brothel. Boringly boring times from the sounds of it. In this day of Viagra though, it would seem to me that men could pay for that hot crazy wild sex they so desire AND be able to actually GET IT UP and therefore GET IT. But alas, Viagra doesn’t cover up the underlying issues that are still present, still here now for men. Viagra doesn’t guarantee good sex; it might mean you can GET IT UP and KEEP IT UP, but not much else.
I’ll never get married again, and one reason is pretty simple: Men who clam up are not real men. Since I cannot know if a man will end up being a boring clam, I refuse to risk it.
I’ve been on the other side and I have seen how this attitude totally takes the manhood out of the man. My advice to them: Don’t fear opening up to the one you proclaim to love. Talk. Chat. Yack. Share. Unload your stresses. Don’t sit on the couch and just veg out…and then blame HER for not being interested in YOU. Or for not being sexually turned on by YOU. A boring man, one who refuses to talk and be human and all that, isn’t attractive. At all. Before you know it, SHE won’t LISTEN to you because YOU have trained her not to. So smarten up and talk more. It can do wonders for your sex lives.
//end of Raven’s advice.
July 11th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Wow. Every time i think I’ve got a handle on your mind, Raven, you surprise the crap out of me. (Although given your background, it shouldn’t have surprised me. One day we’ve got to have a chat — No, not THAT kind!!!)
Maybe I’m just naive, but I’ve never understood men who cheat on their wives. My wife is my best friend and the woman I love, and we talk about everything. But I think a lot of people just marry because (a) it’s expected, (b) they’re lonely, or (c) they want the fairy-tale romance of the “big wedding” thing, and any old spouse will do, right? (And if you doubt me, go watch “Bridezillas” for a week and let me know if that changes your thinking any.)
Of course, an awful lot of people have no convictions about anything — why would they have convictions on something important like this?
~~JD~~
July 11th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Damn, you are so right, Raven. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn this lesson until after my divorce.
July 11th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Men who cheat on their wives are weak men who don’t deserve their wives. Wives who stay with their husbands after the infidelity are a strong and forgiving lot, though sometimes when the infidelity continues then they’re probably not as smart as they should be.
Sex is great. I mean, I really enjoy it. But it is not a relationship. It doesn’t fill the void inside. When I am old and gray, it won’t be about the sex anymore, no matter how many pills I pop to get the little soldier to salute. Plus, old people sex… ewwwww…
July 11th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
JD you’ll NEVAH get a handle on my mind. I’m a woman fer cryinoutloud!!
LOL
Men cheat on their wives for few reasons. In my experience, with friends and people I work with and so on and not with myself (I never cheated AND he never cheated)- men do it when they reach age 40 or so. Usually…the mid life thing? Men who cheat are weak willed, weak minded and very full of themselves. They have a huge ego which isn’t deserved BUT you can’t tell THEM that.
Once a man cheats he will always do so too. He is no longer worthy of trust. It becomes a habit, like gambling. It’s a disease, really.
Nothing the wife does will stop it either. I often read ignorant blog posts about women who don’t put out as a reason for cheating. There is a lot of truth to this. BUT as I wrote here, 99% of the time she doesn’t put out because SHE IS NO LONGER turned on by HIM. He repulses her. His laziness and lack of “friendship” does kills the relationship.
He bores her. SO, there are MANY women who go out and do their own thing too here. I know plenty of ladies who are messing around with another man- it goes both ways.
All they need to do is stay connected. Talk. Be friends. Be honest and open and all that.
July 11th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
A wife is stupid to stay. She really is. I have NEVER known a man who cheated to be able to honestly STOP. I guess they exist. I just don’t know any.
There is a profile of the man who cheats too, from my point of view. Based on what I saw and experienced…paid sex. The men are older, in their 40’s. They are wealthy. They hold powerful and important corporate/political jobs. They think they are entitled to buy everything.
Paid sex is a treat. It’s a perk for the rich and famous.
July 11th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
And yes even the rich and famous men can’t get it up, keep it up.
Well, back then anyway. Before Viagra.
LOL!! Viagra sex SUCKS!!
July 12th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
I happen to know Vitter’s wife–worked with her as a prosecutor. She’s tough, smart, and probably more “macho” than he is. She’s also a fine woman and apparently a good mother and loyal spouse. I absolutely cannot fathom why David would do what he’s apparently done. I’m glad he’s ‘fessin’ up and I think it’s a tempest in a teapot–what, like we didn’t all know DC was chock full of scum? It’s only a matter of how scummy and about what. The real issue is what are we doing listening to anything Larry Flynt has to say–hasn’t anyone figured out his agenda is to degrade and debase everyone he possibly can to his level? It’s more disgusting than the news that Flynt is on it. This nation and Louisiana have bigger fish to fry than worrying about Vitter’s or the thousands or so other numbers on the list personal/private indiscretions.
July 12th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Raven, you are one smart cookie. Most excellent observations about infidelity, marriage, and male/female communications. MOST excellent.
July 12th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Ay Uaxe –
I have been shocked when I found out certain friends and their spouses were doing these things. We think we know people so well, but we don’t. What we see at work or at play even, hardly represents the person in the relationship.
As for believing the charges, Vitter admitted it. Case closed. And, like I said I wasn’t going to post about it. But I got inspired when I read what the call girls had to say…because they offer some lessons here that I think are important. This post isn’t so much about Vitter as it’s about men in general who CLAM up and then wonder why their marriage fell apart…
July 12th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
AFsister, Thank you. I could have said A LOT more. But I decided to keep this brief and clean. LOL
July 12th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Ok, I’m going to put one out there though…and maybe I’m naive and maybe time will prove me right. I was the other woman. Well, I ended up being the last “other woman”. We have been together for 6 years now. He did get divorced, after 18 years of marriage. But he readily admits he married her because she would sleep with him. And then, after marriage, she turned cold turkey. I’ve talked to her about it at length. I know, imagine talking to your husband’s ex about their sex life, or lack thereof. And then came his son, and it was easier for them to just stay married, but live separately. When I entered the picture, it changed. I don’t doubt he’s been 100% faithful. We have a great sex life, and we do talk.
But as to the gist of your point, yes, sharing, comunicating, those are the stabilizing points to a healthy relationship. Great post.
July 13th, 2007 at 7:40 am
hehe…piecesmom- there’s a HUGE difference from being the “other woman” to being the “paid sex provider”…that I know as well. Mostly I refer to men seeking the paid for woman vs a woman for love and relationship…
When men “cheat” and then fall in love I think -but don’t know for sure- if love is a result, it’s meant to be. It’s destiny or fate depending upon how one looks at it. Many people are just not with the special ONE meant for them…mistake marriages happen all the time. Heck my marriage was one big mistake that’s for sure! In my marriage it was ALL about sex and nothing else- the total opposite to the issue I posted here. I wanted and needed more but never got that. A relationship has many factors that keep it alive and hot and burning. I know that communication is one of the biggest factors. Take away any of the important things and the relationship suffers. It eventually dies.
July 13th, 2007 at 7:56 am
Incredibly powerful post, Raven. Particularly the last paragraph, which is so true. People need to communicate, even if it is painful.
July 15th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
I wrote something, long ago, that I never posted about the awful misunderstandings between men and women that arise when men decide for whatever reason not to talk to their girlfriends or wives. I’ve seen it happen so many times, and it’s not only the woman who ends up hurt.
I think that is the single biggest thing men don’t understand about women – that it is really hard for them to feel sexually turned on when we feel emotionally disconnected. But for many men, it’s hard for them to open up emotionally if they’re feeling rejected sexually. So couples get into this Catch 22. Both sides need to be brave enough to take a little risk if they care about the relationship.
I’ll bet a lot of those men can’t perform because the person they really want to have sex with is their wives. I’ve never really believed men are as crass as some people make them out to be. I think they just don’t understand themselves very well. You don’t risk rejection going to a paid sex worker, but if being closer to your wife was what you really wanted, it doesn’t satisfy.
July 16th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Thanks Teach! I didn’t expect this post to get any attention at all. Why it did is beyond me LOL…
Communication is the key to success in ALL areas of LIFE. We humans have the ability to think, vet out those thoughts, speak to them, advocate for ourselves and our needs. We need to take advantage of this blessing. Sad that so many don’t though and so many people end up hurt and left dragging.
July 16th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Right on Cass.
Somehow we have to come together on this! Some people view the process of coming together as dreaded “work” and shun that because of THAT. Others place more value and consider this to be communication. All depends upon how it’s seen. Men tend to think of it as work.
I really liked your post from this morning about this whole issue BTW- and the comments you have are fascinating…
April 5th, 2009 at 10:00 am
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