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The Price of Youthful Oat Sowing
Posted by Raven on August 15th, 2007
The Girls Gone Wild mantra of youthful fun and games is falling apart. More and more, we’re seeing the negative effects of the fun and games upon girls, and I wonder how society can help end this cultural sludge? This isn’t new at all. Girls doing wild things has been happening forever- but in the past 20 years it has become more and more a expectation than a behavior.
“Role models” like amateur porn star Paris Hilton and her underwear-challenged cohorts Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are prompting more and more young girls to “go wild,” but with negative consequences.
Mental health experts say more and more youngsters are being influenced by the “sexualization of girls,” a term coined in a report released earlier this year by the American Psychological Association.
The research analyzed the content and effects of virtually every form of media, including television, music videos, music lyrics, magazines, movies, video games and the Internet. It also examined recent advertising campaigns and merchandising of products aimed toward girls.
What they found was a sort of “Girls Gone Wild” effect in which young girls are succumbing to the pressure of sexualization by posting nude pictures of themselves on the Internet, allowing boyfriends to photograph them in the nude and making their own amateur porn videos.
Is it pressure? Or free choice? I have three daughters of the age where it’s popular to do these things and they tell me of the pressure to “act out” (as they call it) and perform (again, their term) and do these things. When girls don’t become involved with this stuff, they are often ostracized and avoided. The party girls are popular, not the level headed, street smart girls who have some self respect. I think it is pressure that leads girls to make these poor choices.
“The consequences of the sexualization of girls in media today are very real and are likely to be a negative influence on girls’ healthy development,” said Eileen L. Zurbriggen, PhD, chairwoman of the APA Task Force and associate professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Cruz, earlier this year in reference to the report.
And the consequences can be awful. Youthful fun and frolic shouldn’t leave a bad mark on a person’s ability to respect oneself, or interfere with a sense of good self confidence.
As a result of an over-sexed society, young girls are reaping the following mental health issues:
Cognitive and Emotional Consequences: Sexualization and objectification undermine a person’s confidence in and comfort with her own body, leading to emotional and self-image problems, such as shame and anxiety.
Mental and Physical Health: Research links sexualization with three of the most common mental health problems diagnosed in girls and women—eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression or depressed mood.
Sexual Development: Research suggests that the sexualization of girls has negative consequences on girls’ ability to develop a healthy sexual self-image.
Is it worth all this? I believe that these mental health problems are the direct result of being used, of having pressures and expectations placed upon a person, to do things that go against the hard work parents put into raising their daughters to be content, self respecting and confident women. All the years of raising daughters to hold these important values can go down the tube in less than a years worth of going wild on a college campus. It doesn’t take long for one to lose it all. THAT I know.
College campuses are well known to be the hot spots to find these misguided young ladies:
Consider the “hook-up” scene on college campuses (and many high schools). Under the new dispensation, with Ludacris providing the soundtrack, young women are expected to have casual sex with no strings attached. Some girls consent to be “friends with benefits” for their male friends. Magazines like Cosmo and Seventeen, cultural bellwethers, advise young women to “keep your heart under wraps.” The very worst thing a woman can do, apparently, is to express a desire for some sort of emotional connection or (gasp) commitment from her sexual partner. That amounts to being “boring and clingy,” declare the magazines.
Uugh! Having some self respect is boring eh? Expecting more than a drive thru relationship is a red flag? And keeping their hearts under wraps goes against everything little girls are made of. So why don’t we want to change this? Why is it ok with so many in society that this happens?
Popular magazines aimed at young teen girls are busy prepping them for the fun:
Scarleteen offers a “sex readiness checklist” for young girls to help them gauge whether they should plunge into the fun. Among the items: “I see a doctor regularly,” and “I have a birth control budget of $50 per month.” The emotional readiness a girl should demonstrate is “I can separate love from sex.” Shalit notes, “Those who can separate love from sex are mature, like jaded adults. They are ready to embark on a lifetime of meaningless encounters.”
I know this to be true. Having survived years of having my sexual soul bought and sold, as a commodity, I know first hand how hardened the human heart can become. And the soul. The ability to enter relationships, to trust, to accept, to love, is forever altered. The issues with self respect and self confidence are very real and very difficult to live with.
I raised my daughters to KNOW that nothing is more valuable, important and honorable than their own self respect and determination. They were exposed to many bad things; I didn’t mince words nor did I keep them away from the sludge. Exposure, with parental guidance can work wonders. I also taught them that living the sexual free-for-all world of the Wild Girls has consequences- serious and damaging at best. I told them, in many ways, that their sexual identity and destiny doesn’t include being a popular high school or college aged slut. Plain and simple.
And I believe this isn’t all about the girls, folks. Yep…we need to consider the role played (an yes this is not a pun) by the boyz and men. I don’t buy the garbage that boys will be boys and men will be men. We’re human beings, who have brains and who can control themselves. There is no defense on the part of males here that I can accept as a possible excuse for this exploitation of girls. I do place blame upon their upbringing- their parents and others who influenced them. I also place blame upon our society, which excuses the exploitation as- well- youthful fun and frolic. Sowing oats. Learning.
Yep. Sure…NOT. Parents of boys need to teach them about respect and self control, and how their sexual gratification-by-exploitation truly harms girls. I think human beings are capable of walking away with some knowledge and acting upon it- this is what separates us from animals. While many young men would rather be the animal, would they continue being the catalyst if they knew the outcome for the girl? I bet a great many would…because I have lived it and seen it first hand.
Thoughts?
August 15th, 2007 at 8:54 am
That is a great article Raven. I agree.
My little ole opinion on the matter, and this is just shooting straight from the hip here and based on no actual research! But I think it also has to do with little girls being over protected and PAMPERED by their too busy to be a parent parent. In other words, parents with money who give their daughters everything, even shit they don’t need. LOL.
Well that’s just my opinion and I could be WAY off base. I’m just going by the little starlits like Paris, Britney, and whoever else.
I have never known any real girl here in my world to behave this way…but then again…it probably is happening, I just don’t see it.
Thanks for the thought provoking article. It was a good read and very well written.
August 15th, 2007 at 9:13 am
It is so hard, as a parent of a young lady, to see this sort of thing and not be terrified on behalf of my Darling Munchkin. What I need to do is remember that the love and snuggles and solid parenting that I give my daughter will help give her a firm foundation and the strength to turn away from such behavior in disgust.
Fathers, you are important, too! The love and attention you give your daughters and their mother can be a shining example of the respectful and honorable treatment women should expect. I am blessed, as Raven knows, with a husband who adores me and cherishes our daughter. They laugh and play together, he teaches her science and mathematics (yeah, and I do language and theology – we’re stereotypes that way ;) ), and we all go “adventuring” together. We are a happy family who really enjoy each others’ company.
How I grieve for children – boys AND girls – who don’t have this blessing. Although our society is doing its best to tear down the orthodox family unit, there is nothing better for children and nothing more suited to raising well-adjusted, happy, and productive adults.
I feel so sorry for those girls who are pressured into these “performances.” They have no anchor to hold them steady through the storms of life, and though they may not make a complete shipwreck of their lives, certainly they will have many scars on their spirit that they will deeply regret. And if they *don’t* regret it, then that tells me that their spirit and soul have been scarred and calloused beyond hope.
God in Heaven, how I pray You would lay Your hand upon us, and call us back to Your service!
– Kat
August 15th, 2007 at 9:31 am
My little girls will not be getting those Bratz dolls. Ya know, they ones that look like little prostitutes. The sexualization of our society is starting at younger and younger ages. And I can blame my parents generation. Thanks mom and dad! (not literally my parents though, they were pretty good).
And it is a problem with parents today also. I probably expose my little ones to too much adult-themed T.V. You know, like CSI and Big Brother and the such. There isn’t much family friendly broadcasting, even on ABC Family (i’ve seen some pretty bad stuff there actually). Parents, myself included, should stop being so damn selfish and make their children the priority instead of some pet that as become a nuisance…
August 15th, 2007 at 10:21 am
All I can say is, any little bastard expecting my little girl to be “friends with benefits” had better have his affairs in order.
Any suitors for my daughter’s attention will be shown three things, in order:
1. The gun safes.
2. The 8 acres of woods behind my house.
3. A shovel.
If they are unable to connect 1, 2, & 3, they leave without my little princess.
And if they can connect the dots, they will be made to understand, in no uncertain terms, that if they make her cry, I will make them cry…
August 15th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Well said, Raven. I actually have nothing to add to what you’ve written!
I am terrorized by this shit as a parent of a little girl. It’s like popular culture is conspiring against parents and young girls.
August 15th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
I believe it’s imperative that parents be involved with their kids and whatever activities are out there. In this day and age it seems that all kids complain of being bored, so it becomes a full time job keeping them busy. Both boys and girls should be taught to respect each other, because with all the garbage on television it’s easy for kids to assume that normal living is what they see on the screen and often times respect is not important. Parents are the key, the influence can be good or bad, and that is what the kids will respond to. So parents the buck stops with us.
August 15th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Jay G,
Ditto. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
August 15th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
I have raised ( never done, but thus far) two girls 22 and 12 and a son 17, since their Mom and my best pal went to Heaven in 1998. They have yet to disappointment me in their deportment or attitude towards their gender opposites. Poor Conor was a punching bag for the two girls and that wil serve him well as a husband and father – toughness is more about taking it than anything else. Any Midal popping male can dish it out – look at Bill Maher.
August 15th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Carol the demographics of the girls will shock a lot of people. They are from middle class and well to do families; they have little need for anything of monetary value; they live the good life. They are privileged young ladies for the most part. They are snobby, elite and think they’re above reproach. Until they get humbled and brought down a few notches via doing these things.
Many of them have Mom’s that were part of the cliques of days past- the high class types who excluded anyone else from their lives. I’ve done a lot of research into this: The parents do set the tone for many of these chicks. Moms were sluts and Dads were the wild boyz.
August 15th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Kat I decided NOT to go into the details of these acts and performances. Because they are not what we think…girls doing lesbian sex acts in front of the boyz, for their pleasure and no one else’s; girls doing three or four boyz at the same time, using every orifice of their bodies; girls being urinated on (Water sports, squirting games); three, four girls doing one boy…ect ect very raunchy, crude, rude. And degrading. And just unhealthy…
I dare say some of this more extreme wild girl stuff began when society decided to TAME the little boyz and make them sissies. Sissies grew up and knew no boundaries or ethics or manners or respect of others. But they did know and do think they are entitled to this gratification/exploitation.
Fathers are very influential in this.
I think it’s very important to expose girls to this awful stuff. So they know it. So they can see it, hear it, and see how phoney and fake it all really is. As parents we tend to shield our kids from the bads of life. We shouldn’t do that because the kids grow up not knowing what it all LOOKS like. They don’t realize it until it’s too late, that they are LIVING it. Denial is a powerful thought process.
August 15th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Duncan I wouldn’t bash yourself too much over the things you mention. TV shows are terrible these days. We rarely watched it when my daughters were young. News, and documentaries and the like were popular in my house. And we bought many episodes of family friendly sitcoms from long ago.
I would be more concerned with clothing, books, movies, magazines, music and video games. Even freakin video games are sexual now! Magazines and mail order houses are esp dangerous – think Victorias Secret- where girls learn that a special bra will make them look bigger, which equals better.
One thing Dads can do is show respect for any and all women. That’s difficult to do. Imagine watching the news, and along comes a story about Hillary Clinton. Sure…she makes most guys want to gag, but…to your daughter Hillary is just another woman. When men react like sick dogs to the sight of her, it teaches things we don’t want to be taught. Same with Moms and the sight of Teddy Kennedy.
Dads must show respect towards all women, and they shouldn’t get overly excited when they see the sexy, but very fake cheerleaders and Paris Hilton types.
August 15th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Jay G, you’re just like my dauhter’s DAD. He has the same motto. And he did indeed meet the young men and showcase his major gun collections, and he showed them movies of his days in the Marines and how he taught his daughters to shoot (to kill). LOL!!! My X is a big guy too, and he towered over any boyfriend by a mile. He was just…always…there…lurking…in the background…assessing…watching…and it worked. The scums were scared off as they should have been; the good ones were able to gain his respect after many many dates; the ok ones pissed their pants and that was THAT. :mrgreen::mrgreen:
August 15th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
BAS, yes, the buck stops with us. My experience shows me that kids without parents, those who runaway or who otherwise end up parentless, have FAR MORE SELF RESPECT and CONFIDENCE then those who are so called, LUCKY. I think kids who are left to their own doings turn out smarter than most of think…the streets have a way of showing folks what life is all about. Good life and BAD life. Sure, these kids are smartasses and mouthy and rude, but they’re not going to be walked all over, sexually abused or exploited if they manage to end up at a college campus.
August 16th, 2007 at 4:25 am
Excellent post, Raven, and right on point.
When I was in, I think, the 9th grade in New York, girls were “battling” to be able to wear jeans to school instead of skirts. Now I see girls the same age dressing and make-uping like Hollywood’s conception of hookers. I often wonder how their parents feel about this, assuming they have any feelings at all about it.
I think a lot of this comes from an urge to be “popular” and, given the hubris of the young, no conception that mistakes made in youth can follow one for life.
August 16th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Another aspect of what young people have to deal with is what is called the “get laid” culture, which is foisted on boys starting during their teen years. According to this perverted ethic, a male is a failure as a person if he’s not “gettin’ some”. Any boy who starts acting accordingly in turn starts treating girls in the ways described in your post, as useable and throwaway sex objects. Or as someone in college (way back when) used to put it, the five F’s: Find them, Flatter them, Feel them, [censored] them, and Forget them. Thank God that I kept enough of my morals (instilled by my parents and few Catholic nuns) not to go down that road.
August 16th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Seth, the dress “code” of the day is the result of oversexed older people who wish to push their agenda upon the younger generations…the Flower Power people of the 60’s are todays’ older people— the liberal flower powers are who we can thank for ALL of this. The anything goes crowd…the feminists…the generation of dopeheads and dingbats.
Hopefully people will outgrow this stupid shit and let girls be girls.
August 16th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
AHH YEA BAS:
The Five F’s…so slick and cool. Now a days girls know of them and are taught that it’s OK to allow boyz to treat them this way. In fact girls are coached on how to react when each F comes at them.
It really isn’t good. Esp. when we consider the one F isn’t even [whatcan'tbesaidhere]- it’s much more degrading.
Consider too- we have drug companies making vaccines for girls to protect them from diseases they get from boyz…HPV for example. It’s documented that a boy starts the disease cycle with HPV…and passes it to girls, and so on and on. They pretend this vaccine is for cervical cancer prevention but thats not what it’s really about.