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I’m no Jackie Kennedy
Posted by Raven on April 2nd, 2008
…and I’m quite proud to admit it.
I got an invitation to a dinner party, in the snail mail today. You know: one of those fancy linen invites with an RSVP. An old, enemy-friend whom I’ve humored about here, Tammy decided to extend an olive branch wants to brag yet again about some new feature to her ever expanding mansion.
I tossed it into the round file cabinet.
I don’t go to dinner parties. Period. No lovely thanks.
I don’t do my own “dinner parties” either- where I’m the one doing all the work. Nope. I refuse to be the cook, the server, the entertainer AND the cleaning lady after. While I realize it’s probably the proper thing to do, I just cannot and will not subject myself to such demeaning silliness. How can one have any fun at all when they are responsible for things most people can do for themselves? Makes no sense to me. Besides, doing it ALL costs money. Frugal people don’t waste their money on such things. They are creative and come up with better, smarter ways to do things.
I work with doctors, teachers, professors, well educated VIP types. Who all live in 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom mansions. Several of whom have nannies and house cleaners and cooks. Who all drive around in Mercedes and Lexus-mobiles. These people are good folk, who work hard (well not really but it sounds nice) for what they have. I have no problem with them, their lifestyles and expectations. I had been to their homes and a couple times I “attended” these funerals dinner parties…one of which I fell asleep at. I had no FUN. There were polite giggles and gentle chatter but no funny antidotes and real hearty laughter. The music made my eyes heavy and droopy and I couldn’t help but yawn every two seconds. After I nodded off for those moments, I got up and left.
I vowed to never go to one of those boring events again.
And I thanked my lucky stars for not allowing my parties to be so stuffy and stale!
My friends and I would go to work and laugh at the fun we had the night before at one of our get-togethers. We’d joke around and regale our co workers with stories of burnt steaks and bugs in salads and table dancing. The higher ups would listen in and laugh and marvel at our light hearted laughter over our own misgivings and pranks. Our ability to laugh at ourselves intrigued them. Eventually the doctors and teachers and others would suggest we invite them to our parties.
Sure! Come on over. Just know that at my house, things are cheap, frugal and FUN.
When I invite them to MY home for a dinner party cookout, they better be prepared to do some of their own cooking. And cleaning up after themselves.
I’m no Jackie Kennedy. I don’t dress in gowns and light candles over ten thousand dollar dishes neatly placed across a twenty thousand dollar tablecloth. I don’t know how to set a table with 16 different pieces of silverware and three wine goblets for each person. (And I don’t want to know.) I don’t own napkins- never mind know how to fold them into exotic looking forms of perverted art. (And I don’t want to know how to waste my precious time doing such DUMB things.)
I like to use my yard sale dishes and I have enough to “sit” 40 people. With one plate, one mug, one damn fork and knife, and maybe a spoon for everyone. You can bet your ass I do not (ever) set a table with my dishes. I know the pieces are heavy, but I think my “guests” have the strength to pick up the plates from a table top and carry it over to the area where they serve themselves their own food. Buffet style I believe this is called.
I was never once worried that the refined, well to do doctors and others would be offended by my extremely casual and most certainly cheap forms of “entertaining”(if they were offended, TOUGH SHIT it’s their problem and not mine!)…which includes but is never limited to expecting each “guest” to bring over a dish of food (so I only needed to provide ONE item to eat); it includes everyone making and cooking their own damn hamburgers and grilling their own steaks. It means pouring their own drinks- of which they can bring their own as I only supplied the beer and Jack. It means serving themselves their own food- I don’t know what the hell everyone likes or wants…It also means everyone getting off their lazy asses to wash their own plates and forks and knives and mugs when they’re finished chowing down.
My idea of entertaining includes being relaxed and not having any worry about how to behave…need to burp? Feel free. Have a fart your holding in? Let it out- it’s not healthy to keep it in. Got an itch in your privates? Scratch away…we don’t care. …or what to say. Know some dirty jokes? Tell us. Got some cool or intense stories to tell? Share away. Know some new skill? ‘Splain it to us. My “guests” must like rock and roll music because it’s all they’re gonna hear in the background. And they should know how to dance the shimmy on the picnic tables too…cause we put them all together to make a dancing platform.
Dress code? Jeans, sneaks and tee shirts. No suits and ties allowed nor any black shiny work type shoes (they scuff up my picnic tables!). In the summer months bring a bathing suit cause we like to get down and dirty with the garden hoses. And I have a river next to my house to swim in…
I called Tammy the dramaqueen and we spoke for a couple hours. I hadn’t had a word for her in over two years; she pissed me off in a BIG way by constantly demeaning my lifestyle. The bitch. Who has the nerve to INVITE me to one of her extravagant, outrageously expensive, exceedingly boring, the-real-reason-for-this-dinner-party-is-to-show-off-my-new two bedroom OUTHOUSE…I’d go, but I would ruin HER fun. I would not be polite and I would mis-behave, perhaps even fall asleep. I might even get drunk and knock over some chairs on my way up to a table to dance upon…and I’m sure I’d have no problem finding someone to dance with me. I thanked her for the thought, but declined the invitation with my blunt and honest reasons.
We did manage to make a lunch date in the near future though. At a time and place of my choosing…and I’ll probably have her over to MY home…and remind her how the poor people live. Heh. She’ll have more fun than she’s had in a long time too. That I can guarantee.
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:16 am
Sounds like a good move for Raven’s intuition. Beware of Trojan horses and Greeks bearing gifts. So true, especially in todays *ssbackwards world of humanism, hedonism, idolotry and materialism! Evil and curious ‘agendas’ can result in ?! I think a Roman Centurion once said something like keep one’s enemies in view with a spy glass, but one’s supposed ‘friends’ in view with one’s naked eye! We don’t have Christmas Card lists that are numerous either. Good move Raven and there was most likely some ‘agenda’ behind this ‘ all of a sudden’ invitation.
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Uh yeah…Tammy has a new POOL house. fertheloveofgawd. Her pool is 50 feet from her back door. And she had to build a POOL HOUSE, complete with two bedrooms, a small kitchenette, a small patio area. I guess it’s a GUEST house, more or less.
I don’t begrudge her wanting to show it off. Heck thats half if not most of what makes people like her want to live (lol)- to play show and tell. Her old man earns the big bucks and he buys her whatever she wants. She’s a decent lady but exasperating as a friend. Totally out of my league so its hard to maintain a friendship. She belittles me all the time and I just can’t stand that.
Agenda? of course. And I’m not getting suckered into it.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Good for you Raven. Now we have to make you a New York Football GIANTS fan? Eli Manning is as humble and down to earth as we are! A friend who looks down upon her supposed friends is really… no friend. I call these humanoids ‘idolaters’ and ‘materialists’… They live for them$elve$ and no matter at what co$t… There are a bunch of these losers down here in scrappleville as well. TGIF Raven.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Oh GAWD no I could never be a fan to any team but the Patriots. I know…I know…everyone hates them. But me. And I will always stand by them. I’ve lost friends over this. LOL!!
And NO quarterback is humble. Trust me. They have people they pay to make them APPEAR humble…but alas they are not.
I’ll get Tammy yet. She always wants to prove some point and she’s always trying to outdo everyone. Problem is she has few friends. She lives in a huge house that no one visits. The only way people go to her abode is when she invites them…and she drives them away with her bragging sense of snottery. Pfft. She doesn’t know what being humble is. And I doubt she ever will. She’s thankful for what she has- but doesn’t show it by means of giving back to those less fortunate, or by doing other service for those in need. She’s a fake and phoney cow.
LOL
April 4th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
PATS head coach Bill Belichik was the NY Giants offensive coordinator when we won our second Super Bowl over Buffalo 20-19! The PATS are a quality team and organization…. as is the NY Giants! ANYBODY but the Filthadelphia Choking Eagles Raven… The Mannings are a wonderful family: Archie (Saints), Peyton (Colts) and Eli Manning of the NY Giants. This is a HUMBLE family and un-gangsta type…
April 6th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Okay darth, I’ll take your word on the Manning family. Since there are so many of them. :mrgreen:
I like the un-gangster quality too!!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Archie Manning said on FOX after the NY Giants won Super Bowl XX LL in February, something like, “I was blessed to play QB for the Saints in the 60’s, and my son Peyton the same for the Colts (and Super Bowl 41 Champs / MVP)… and now Eli? If you would have told me that all of this would have happened to ONE FAMILY years ago, I would have thought you were NUTS!” This Raven is what being humble is all about!! And if your PATS don’t go back to Super Bowl 43 next February, I’m hoping to see a MANNING vs. MANNING Super Bowl 43 – Colts vs. NY Giants? Then who would Mr. and Mrs. Manning root for…? WOW!