I haven’t written lately about the shop everyone loves to hate- Wal Mart. I guess I stopped writing because the “issue” hasn’t been news in the past year or so. Of all the bad press, Wal Mart still out performs every other retailer 10:1…and people like to spend less money on items they want and need. Working class peons such as myself depend upon Wal Mart’s low prices to keep us afloat. I believe people are simply stupid to not shop at Wal Mart.

This lady writes of being forced to shop at the big evil retailer, and discovers its not all that bad after all.

It’s a long story — one that involves a darling family of ducks, a semitrailer and me — but the upshot is that for the first time in three years, I have a car payment.

And in order to make those payments and fill my car with gas — I almost wept when I paid $4.29 a gallon the other day — and have enough left over for my ever-increasing bills and save some for emergencies, I’ve had to make some changes.

I’ve begun shopping at Wal-Mart.

She says with some shame, I suspect. NOT ME. I proudly admit I shop at the Wal Mart supercenter up the road, every week, for groceries and other stuff. Always have, since the place opened up over 10 years ago.

The lady whines-

For a long time, my biggest complaint about Wal-Mart was its vibe. Nothing about the store makes me feel special — though I suppose the greeter tries — and whether you admit it or not, most of us want to feel special when we buy something new.

Uuhh….special? Feeling special is how we’re supposed to feel when we shop or buy something? This is a big problem with people: This over dependence of shopping as a form of therapy. Fertheloveofhawd. You don’t shop to feel good. You shop to get the stuff you need.

The checkout lines tend to be long. There’s too much chatter over the public address system. I think the store is poorly organized. And it felt oddly behind the times, its 1970s-esque yellow smiley face sincere, rather than retro, the way it might be at the hipper Target.

I’ve been to the local Target as well and I don’t like the place. There aren’t a lot of choices; everything looks the same - a couple months ago I noticed how the women and men clothing sections had all the same color themes; even the handbags and jewlery echoed the colors (brown, red, beige, yellow…eeeck!) As we wandered thru the store we noticed, ammusingly how the candles and linens all matched the clothes. Hmm. Hipper? I don’t think so.

A couple weeks ago I spent $2.50 on a Wal-Mart plant that was $4.99 at the nursery up the street.

I stumbled upon DVDs for $5 and I’ve stashed away the fairly new releases to give as Christmas presents.

And my favorite fat-free sugar-free Jell-O instant pudding mix is 25 cents cheaper than at my regular grocery.

And the selection!

At Wal-Mart, I can buy a bag of red lentils, hummus in a can, lint screens for the hose on my washing machine, and, should I ever feel the need, scrapbooking materials from the store’s new Martha Stewart crafts line.

Yep…one can buy almost everything they need in one stop…saves time, gas, money. Selection is great if not superior to any other retailer in the world.

Suddenly, shopping at Wal-Mart makes me feel smart.

Well you should feel smart..cause you are. Now.

Shopping at Wal Mart is not only smart, it’s an investment. Into one’s own bank account of savings.

Sitting out on the patio this noon, sipping some gross disgusting wine and admiring my first me-made bouquet of wild flowers from my garden, I have some thoughts.

I’ve always had **issues** with religion, Christians and what not. To me it’s always been preach one thing but behave in another. Do as I say. Not as I do. I try not to post about these things, BUT I need to do so once in awhile.

This is from a religious blog:

For too long already we have failed to recognize the great dignity of feminism in our society where nothing is sacred, much less the female body. We’ve replaced sacred femininity with modern day “feminism” where women work to become more like men. Abortion has destroyed the maternal love of women and the widespread and accepted indulgence of lust coupled with the use of contraception has lead many women to allow themselves to be objectified - used and abused for the physical gratification of another.

Woman! Recognize your dignity! Our bodies are made so clearly sacred and precious to the eyes of the Lord - never to be subject to the lustful desires of men.

You know what this reminds me of? Islam. HATE to say. But that’s not my point here.

AND why can’t women be lusted for? Please tell me.

Explain to me why is it the men who seek the porn? Who post images of objectified young women on their blogs- where the last post might be some religious rant? Why is it the married men who seek the services of prostitutes far more than any other group of the male species? How can a single man call himself religious and attend church and all that- and go out and sex it up/do the one night thing with women he has no intention of having a relationship with? <–as a habit. Why do these men preach one thing and turn around and do exactly what they tell others NOT to do?

Why are religious people so hypocritical? Surely this God they all bow down to, pray to- doesn’t approve of all these humanly human antics and behaviors? Or, is it that modestly rules apply only to women? Does God approve of men of being sexual beings only?

Either way, I don’t like it and more and more I am finding myself blessed NOT to subscribe to religious beliefs. The hypocrisy is so loud and deafening I can’t stand it.

I’ve worked thousands, no make that tens of thousands of hours of overtime in my life. Maybe more… I know what it does to me personally. I get tired. Cranky. Bitchy. Miserable.

Many times I have worked 112 hours weeks- seven 16 hour days in a row. Years and years of it. And it’s hard. All you do is work, sleep, eat fast and work and sleep. Once in awhile you might blow off some sleep to down a few beers. Second only to truck drivers in the risk pool of highest rates of on-the-job injuries, nursing is not easy. It’s brutal and back breaking.

An article at the WaPo tries to blame overtime work as a killer of Japanese men. How disingenuous and dishonest. Diseases kill people. Heart attacks kill. Cancer kills. Accidents and suicide kill. Not working lots of hours.

TOKYO — Death from too much work is so commonplace in Japan that there is a word for it — karoshi.

There is a national karoshi hotline, a karoshi self-help book and a law that funnels money to the widow and children of a salaryman (it’s almost always a man) who works himself into an early karoshi for the good of his company.

A local Japanese government agency ruled June 30 for the widow and children of a 45-year-old Toyota chief engineer who died in 2006.

While organizing the worldwide manufacture of a hybrid version of the Camry sedan, the man had worked nights and weekends and often traveled abroad — putting in up to 114 hours of overtime a month — in the six months before he died in his bed of heart failure.

114 hours? A month? Gimme a break. As I said above, I worked almost that in one week, week after week over entire summers and beyond.

I don’t agree with Japan’s national stance on what constitutes a work week; I don’t believe they have the 40 hour rule the US has; they have no laws requiring extra pay for certain numbers of hours worked…it’s a free market world over there, gone unchecked. However, the extra hours are not killing men.

Human beings have bodies that are designed to endure so much more than most people realize. I know it might upset my wealthy or well to do conservative friends, liberals and those types of folks, but hard work is actually good for our bodies. Lazy desk work is not. So, I can see the Japanese men developing heart diseases and similar problems that can arise from a sedentary lifestyle, and what one does for a living is indeed a huge part of that lifestyle.

I believe some people work too much because they are unhappy; depressed; miserable and have no life. Sadly, some people become so involved with their careers IT becomes their life. It’s not healthy. But it won’t kill a person.

The Japs have long surpassed Americans in life expectancy so this article surprised me. At first. Until I read the numbers and see it’s all been taken out of context, blown out of proportion and a slight political stab here and there is seen.

I’ve been busy much of this week preparing a sermon that I gave at church earlier today, Father’s Day, my first full sermon ever. The purpose was to affirming the necessity of fathers in our 21st century post-modern America, not through a jeremiad against contemporary trends, but rather presenting a role model for fathers who want to make a difference.

Fathers: who needs them?

Throughout most of human history, such a question would have been considered nonsensical.

But, in today’s affluent societies of Europe and North America, and increasingly in Asia, this question is now deadly serious, as the traditional structures of clan and family, along with established roles of men and women, have steadily loosened in consequence of extensive urbanization and increased mobility, along with a reduced threat of visitations from the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: war, pestilence, famine, and early death.

We have first witnessed a winnowing down of blood relationships to the primacy of the so-called “nuclear family” - and now we see an explosion of various alternative structures claiming entitlement to the title of family. We various combinations involving single parents or two adults - married or not, same or different sexes. We have proliferating familial permutations through divorce or break-up of one pair and the forming of new pairs - leading to the rise of so-called “blended families”. Nor are we restricted to pairs: we also are seeing in certain subcultures the rise of de facto polygamy where one male fathers children with multiple women, usually without marrying any of them - and women whose children have different fathers.

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Good advice:

So learn the lyrics. Then you must sing them. In the car. On the beach. At the mall. Wherever teenagers gather. Then dance. Learn that “lady hump” song and dance like it’s 1952. Get out your best opera voice and warble “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me,” and dance, dance, dance.

-Monique Doyle Spencer in an op/ed from today’s Boston Globe.

Hey ladies, do something different this Fathers Day.

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Bimboproof your daughter.

Really. Good article here.

Interesting. Did they actually waste money for this study??

Young Americans told the researchers that qualities they would find unappealing in a potential mate included low intelligence and physical unattractiveness. But they said their parents would object to a mate who was of a different ethnicity, was poor or lacked a good family background.

And:
When a potential mate has both sets of qualities, parents and young people are likely to agree on the appropriateness of a match. But often, the researchers said, the qualities don’t go hand in hand: The tall, dark and handsome guy might make the bride swoon but turn out to have a roving eye, whereas the bald and bespectacled fellow might never be a GQ model but could make a great dad and caregiver.

Duh. I think most people already know these things and research on it is stupid. But then again governments close and afar like to waste their tax payer’s dollars.

I found a couple articles about the economy, and housing market bail out programs up and coming. It baffles me to see this happening.

First, how are Americans really doing with their finances?

Offering the gloomiest assessment of personal economic progress in close to half a century, a new survey has found that most Americans think they have not made economic progress over the past five years, as their incomes have stagnated and they have increasingly borrowed money to finance their lifestyles.

Right off I see a problem here. Lifestyles being financed…This is wonderful. It’s part of the good old American dream. BUT, to reach the goal of a good lifestyle, one has to put forth some effort. As in working; perhaps hard. Maybe holding down two jobs. Or both spouses working- two jobs each. Gone are the days when all it took was HIM working and she staying home to tend to the house fires. Those ambers now cost almost as much as the house itself (if not more)…

The squeeze is particularly tight for those who are low-income and for the 53 percent of Americans who classify themselves as middle-class. Nearly four out of five middle-class adults say it is more difficult for people like them to maintain their standard of living. In 1986, fewer than two of three middle-class people shared that opinion.

Every family has a choice: The lifestyle is often a CHOICE, and people have to be willing to decide what is necessary and what is not to maintain this. For some, this might mean cutting back on wasteful expenses and becoming more frugal. For others it might mean taking on a second job so as not to have to cut back on the things deemed vital and necessary.

Only two in five middle-class Americans say they “live comfortably,” while one in five says he or she is just able to meet expenses. The others say they are able to meet expenses with some money left. Overall, slightly more than half said they had to “tighten their belts” to adjust to the increasing economic pressure.

“some money left”?
So what’s the problem then? Don’t we all have to tighten the belts now and again? When we’re spending more money than we earn, charging products and services up the ass we should expect to get billed for this. I don’t think there is a real problem; instead I believe people have made poor budget choices and now that they see the consequences, they’re crying and whining.

Even as they struggle, nearly two-thirds of Americans acknowledge that they are better off than their parents were when they were their age, an important marker of upward mobility. That fulfillment of the American dream has persevered even as the nation has entered a period of widening income disparities and creeping insecurity brought on by the rise in income volatility, the decline in fixed-benefit pensions and the increasing need for households to send two breadwinners to work to maintain a middle-class life.

Uh…it’s called making sacrifices. I’ve done it. It’s not the end of the world when grown up adults who choose to live their chosen lifestyles need to WORK to pay for this. It’s called the American way. You want things? You work to earn money to get them. Even if it means working really hard… Of course too many people have taken out stupid loans for silly things now, with no real regard as to how to pay it all off, so this creates the impression that the economy is bad. It’s not. It’s poor financial decision making on the part of people.

Seven in 10 survey respondents said they have cable or satellite television as well as two or more cars. Two-thirds reported having high-speed Internet service, and 42 percent said they have a high-definition or flat-screen television, the report said, adding that the typical house is 50 percent larger and nearly twice as expensive now as it was in the mid-1980s.

Don’t ask for me one ounce of sympathy here folks. Cause you’re not going to get it. I might give you a copy of the job section of the local paper though. Tighten the belt. Have a yard sale. Shop at the flea markets. Make some sacrifices. Live within your means.

Despite agreeing that it is harder to maintain a middle-class lifestyle, Americans do not agree on whom to blame for their plight. About a quarter blame the government, 15 percent blame the spiraling price of oil, 11 percent blame themselves and 8 percent blame foreign competition.

Oh pity me. Just look in the mirror if you really wish to know who caused all these problems.

The other article I read with no amusement bloviated on about how the government might decide to “help” the poor screwed over by mean sub prime loans cash strapped homeowners whose homes are facing foreclosure.

WASHINGTON — The Bush administration on Wednesday proposed a new effort to help homeowners in danger of foreclosure by loosening the eligibility criteria for new mortgages insured by the federal government.
[...]
Both the plan sought by Democrats and the administration’s plan seek to stabilize the battered housing market by allowing homeowners, many of whom owe more than their homes are now worth, to refinance expensive, adjustable rate mortgages with a more stable and affordable 30-year loan backed by the federal government.

In his testimony, Mr. Montgomery said the housing agency would relax its underwriting rules to allow borrowers who have had up to two late mortgage payments within the last year qualify for a new federally insured loan, at the traditional maximum of 97 percent of the home’s current value. Mr. Montgomery said that applicants with three months of delinquency on their current mortgage would potentially qualify for a loan of up to 90 percent of their home’s value.

If I were writing legislation on this, I would add requirements such as no help should go to those who: Are not working including those families with two adults and only one works. I would deny assistance to those who have cable TV, Internet access, cell phones and video games; who drive expensive vehicles; who send their children to private schools (which I support but it’s expensive and would have to be considered a sacrifice by me); and I would deny assistance of any kind to families who live in big, sprawling mini mansions. In other words, I would refuse to assist people to maintain a good lifestyle, which is after all, their choice. When it’s a choice, it must be desired. When it’s desired, people must be willing to make sacrifices in order to keep it all. And not expect the American tax payer to bail them out, which, all these so called plans will essentially do.

Today’s top story is the eagerly-awaited announcement of the winner of The Bookseller’s Diagram Prize for Oddest Title of the Year.

The winner, by a large voting margin, was a self-help book by the title:

As Joel Rickett, Deputy Editor of The Bookseller, observed, “[This book] makes redundant an entire genre of self-help tomes. So effective is the title that you don’t even need to read the book itself.”

Indeed, after reading this title, is there really any reason for another self-help book about getting out of relationships?

In my mind, the only comparable book title I can think of comes from these lines by Tom Lehrer

Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to communicate with the people they love: husbands and wives who can’t communicate, children who can’t communicate with their parents, and so on. And the characters in these books and plays and so on, and in real life, I might add, spend hours bemoaning the fact that they can’t communicate.

I feel that if a person can’t communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up!

…which, if there were any justice in this world, should have inspired the following book to end all self-help books about communications:

enough said…

The FMLA is a combination of good and bad, I think. From the perspective of motherhood and having babies…

I remember when my daughters were born- I had worked through each pregnancy right up to the day each was born, literally. Early in each pregnancy I went to Human Resources to tell them of my pending leaves, which I had planned on lasting about four weeks. I was told my job would be safe, probably, and that if not, I would be brought back to a similar position with similar pay and benefit. I managed pretty well- taking the four weeks of leave and returning to the same job in the same unit on the same shift. Had any of these factors changed, especially the SHIFT, I would not have been able to return to the job.

There were no laws protecting jobs back then.

A pro-business group is touting a national survey that says a majority of Americans think the 15-year-old Family and Medical Leave Act needs tightening to eliminate misuse.

The poll by National Coalition to Protect Family Leave, a broad-based group of organizations such as U.S. Chamber of Commerce and National Retail Federation, said that although more than 70 percent of Americans said the current system is “mostly fair,” nearly half of the respondents said they had firsthand experience of misuse by co-workers.

Survey respondents are also concerned about whether the misuse of FMLA would jeopardize public safety. More than 60 percent of people said they would be more likely to support FMLA reform, provided that “the staffing of hospitals is impacted when unscheduled FMLA leave is taken” and “vulnerable citizens, such as children waiting for a school bus or people in need of emergency 9-1-1 services, are left to themselves.”

Now, employers must guarantee the positions will be held for up to 12 weeks, same pay, same status, benefits and no loss in seniority. The problem with this when you work in nursing is fairly big…that’s 12 week of working short. That directly effects patient care. And when you work with a lot of women, this isn’t a rare occurrence.

One year, we had 5 co workers who were pregnant, all within the same time frames, and all of whom took maternity leaves at around the same time. It was a substantial burden to cover their shifts- even with the best pre planning. My employer wasn’t allowed to hire others to fill the open slots; they had to force many others to work overtime or, bring in agency nurses and aides at extremely high pay rates. The Agency option didn’t cover much- since those who work for such places can pick and choose their shifts, we were not able to cover even a tenth of the openings. Women like me, who had little kids at home, were made to work many double shifts and a day off was almost unheard of.

It certainly didn’t feel very FAMILY like to me! In fact my family rarely saw me during those times. Sure the pay was awesome, but nothing can replace being with your kids when they are small. I had to get sitters for the double shifts I was made to work- since my X worked evenings. There went most of my overtime pay…My family suffered because of this law, IMO.

Then, a couple of the new Moms decided they didn’t want to return to work after being at home with their newborn babies. I don’t blame at all- babies are precious and really need their Moms to be with them for the first year if not longer. But, for me and many others, this wasn’t an option in our lives. Needless to say, we had to work another five weeks or so of mandated overtime until the newly hired staff were trained. This scenario played out three other times at the facility I work at. It wasn’t a one time thing.

So I think the law has some good to it…but I also believe it creates a burden not just for the employer, but the employees left behind to pick up the slack. In nursing, the slack is patient care. Is this a case of unintended consequence? When a law designed to *protect* one group of workers infringes upon the lives of another group? The irony of it all is this is about FAMILIES. While one family is allowed to bond and not have to worry about employment, another family is temporarily torn apart due to their employment.

Over @ Pirates Cove, Teach shares with his readers an article about the famous Victoria’s Secret- and how the CEO has decided the brand has become…TOO SEXY.

I have a few things to say on this subject.

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My oldest daughter (she’s almost four) is a HUGE Cinderella kinda-gal. She has the princess dresses and she’s made me promise to take her to Disney World to see the Cinderella Castle. I recently heard a song that just about melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It’s by Christian artist Steven Curtis Chapman and is, appropriately, called “Cinderella”. I thought I’d share it with you guys… (fathers of daughters, of any age… go get your tissue… trust me on this one…)

(ED. NOTE: Author had to stop in middle of this to dance with Cinderella…. she asked…)

Today marks the 35th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, and I suspect that much discussion has reiterated the moral, ethical, and scientific reasons for opposing abortion. However, let’s move beyond the arguments to lives, stories of those who have looked into the abyss - they or their parents or children - and who having looked away and taken a different path help us appreciate in a different way the value of life on a more visceral basis. I would share several tales from RedState posters earlier today:

In her post titled Private sharing time or Why I am pro-life, MrsNachos writes:

My mother was a senior in high school when she got pregnant by a man 3 years older than her. Upon finding out that she was pregnant, he immediately left her/wouldn’t return calls/etc. She was a middle child among 11 from a strongly Catholic family. Abortion was a sin, but so was getting pregnant without being married…

My mother isn’t perfect. She has typical attributes of a woman who had a child way too early in life. She could easily have had an abortion and I know my father would have paid for it. She didn’t. Her life has been harder because of it. She is only now, at 46 years of age, getting her bachelors degree after working on it one class at a time for almost 15 years. She and I have opposite personalities and I know there were times, in her weak moments or in desperation, she wondered if she made the right decision…

But my greatest accomplishment in life is that I AM. I AM here. She chose to allow me to be here. For all the faults, both hers and mine, I contribute something to someone’s life somewhere. If you asked her, and I never have, I know she’d tell you that everything we’ve been through was WORTH the struggle. When I got my B.S. she was more proud than anyone else. Now that I’m in my graduate program, she talks about it more than I do. For all my faults, I GIVE something to someone somewhere and I AM WORTH IT.

So are they. What are we missing by denying them life?

This post evoked several amazing comments. From Whitehorse, in its entirety, as he tells the story of several generations:

I was 21, as was the woman who is now my wife, when we discovered she was pregnant. Abortion was never an option for either of us, however some in her family had the knee-jerk reaction for it. We knew how this happened, we were responsible & took responsibility for it. Life was harder in many ways, but I could not think of life with the guilt we would have had if we’d had an abortion.

Now, 18 years later, our strapping young son of 18 became a father. He knew what to do & what not to do - even what to do if he did what he shouldn’t do. So did she. We have been very up-front regarding these issues with our son; however, when the “love bug” strikes… Her family had the knee-jerk abortion response (they’re active democrats - go figure) & times were a “little rough,” to say the least. Luckily, my son & his now fiance` are both pro-life & we made it through & now have a 4 month old grandson.

We’re not “supposed” to have kids before getting married. We do make mistakes & while it may be ‘easier’ without an “unplanned” child, with one - if you try to do the right things - it can be very rewarding & what you accomplish can be extremely rewarding.

And eworthi shared his tale of persistent love:

I was in college and got a girlfriend pregnant. She wanted an abortion and I said “sure” and without a second thought I held her hand through the procedure. Then I got another girl pregnant the next year, but this girl said she was going to keep the baby. I am embarrassed to say how violently I fought to convince her to abort that child. I gave it everything I had, but in the end she would not budge, she was going to keep that baby and I knew that I could not walk away. I had a roomate at the time who had a son that he got to see once a year or so, and the guy had a black hole where his heart should have been, a nice guy, but lost and empty. I knew that if there was to be a child of mine born that I needed to be a part of its life, this was against even my parents wishes.

I remember I worked up the courage to ask her to marry me and she laughed right in my face. We did not live together and I wanted to be involved so when she decided she would stop drinking alcohol I joined her and did the same. By standing by this girl and stopping drinking I lost all my friends which had the effect of bringing she and I closer together. She wanted a home birth so we never went to a doctor or hospital, just a midwife, and had the baby at a rental with her housemates doing homework upstairs. She gave birth standing up and I caught my son as he came out.

Eight years, and two more kids, later I asked her to marry me again and she said yes. We just had our 17 year anniversary, from when we first met, this past weekend, we have a total of four kids, all of them home birthed and caught by me.

Meanwhile, Nick from RightMichigan.com calls to mind those of his generation who he will never know:

Abortion is a hot button topic. It’s the sort of thing that isn’t discussed in polite company. It’s “history” and “just the way it is.” But it’s also my generation.

And I’ll be honest, that doesn’t sit well with me. I can get fired up about the subject. After all, we’re talking about the organized extermination of 50 million children based on nothing more than their proximity to free air. Get your oxygen from an umbilical cord and you’re somehow less human? Less worthy of love and a fighting chance?

I’m a child of the 1970s. Barely, but I just made it. September 18, 1979 my mom and dad decided that I was a little bit more than a blob of tissue and that I was worth a chance. Times were tough. The economy wasn’t so hot. My folks were young. Newly married. My dad was working full time while finishing school, struggling to make ends meet. It wouldn’t be tough to make the argument that I was a bit of an inconvenience. The argument has certainly been made by others.

35 years and 50 million of my classmates, church buddies, coworkers, street-hockey teammates and opponents, heroes, oncologists, doctors, nurses, ministers, football players, rocket scientists, cooks, artists, civil rights leaders and friends. Dead. Gone. Exterminated. Silenced…My generation. My friends. My classmates. My church buddies. I take it personally. Every single person who claims the title “human being” should do the same.

But so often we don’t. We get caught up in the minutia. We talk about mental health and the horrors of rape and incest. We talk about gestation cycles and trimesters. We talk about “procedures” and “operations.” But how often do we talk about the real issue?…We’re talking about human lives. Not potential, not possible but real, actual, breathing human beings complete with beating hearts and thinking minds.

How long will we continue to tear out the heart of our nation?

Material Gal

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think theyre o.k.
If they dont give me proper credit
I just walk away

They can beg and they can plead
But they cant see the light, thats right
cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always mister right, cause we are

Living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world

Cotillion sister Fausta posted about relationships, men, women, marriage and divorce and all that good stuff. She pointed me to a blog where a man, Francis, has a lot to say.

It bothered me to read Francis’s thoughts because of the truth behind them. Men do get screwed over, financially, when it comes to expectations and marriage. And divorce:

Let’s not blind ourselves to the realities. At this time, the legal obligations of the marital state fall de facto on the husband. If the wife becomes dissatisfied, she can simply declare “irreconcilable differences” and haul stakes, taking any children and much of her husband’s income and savings along with her.

I’ve seen this happen.

For what it’s worth, when I got my divorce I was asked, I was begged, to take money and joint properties and belongings as part of a settlement. I refused it all. I refused alimony, any funds from the sale of the house and other things. The judge who presided over my divorce took me into his chamber to see if there was something “going on” that was making me so stubborn with my refusals. There wasn’t. I didn’t want one penny of my X’s money. I didn’t want to be dependent upon the man I no longer loved. In my mind the marriage was over and I wanted it be in all ways, OVER.

While Francis whines about the woes of single men and marriage and all the problems it creates, I read this last week with a certain amount of amusement.

According to Nicola Cairncross, a speaker on women’s finance and author of the book The Money Gym: The Ultimate Wealth Workout, the more successful a woman becomes, the harder she will find it is to meet the right man; and, she warns, the more likely it is that any relationship will founder.

Ms Cairncross, who runs seminars aimed at helping successful women cope with their wealth, says: “Sadly, the clever, attractive Alpha woman who has set her sights on an Alpha man is likely to be very disappointed.

“Alpha men come home at night after a day of competing in the boardroom and the last thing they want is to compete with an assertive wife as well.

“He wants an easy life, someone to stroke his fevered brow, and that means marrying a feminine, girly Beta woman who doesn’t have the masculine competitive traits of her Alpha sister.

“Successful women want everything just so and they have high aspirations, even in their relationships. But I have to tell them ‘You simply cannot have it all,’ and to expect that the higher they go, and the more they earn, the harder it may be to make a relationship work for them.”

I can really ask now: WHAT DO MEN WANT? A woman who is totally or even partially dependent upon him? Or a wealthy woman who calls the shots? Hmm. I smell some hypocrisy here. And it really stinks, guys.

My own personal motto that gets me through so much of this foolishness:
Money gets in the way of so many things. IT really is the root of most evils. So I avoid those who have lots of IT. And those who place too much value upon IT.

Back to the Francis:

Is she obsessed with material goods? Virtually every man knows times of hardship, whatever the reason. Would she stand by you loyally, should you experience one, or would she add to your stresses? What would her family and friends say to her in such circumstances?

I have always advised my daughters, who are of age now, to judge people on their material goods. When a person places high value on high end possessions- it’s a good sign they are very dependent on money and lots of it. This is all fine and well for most people…after all isn’t this what we work for? To be rich and have no needs in life? When people become addicted to money and all it can enable and provide, they are weak in character in my opinion.

It goes both ways too- men and women. They become slaves to their bank accounts and all the glam and glitter of material possessions. While nice to have, these things are not needed. We can live quite well without them. I choose to live without the material goods because I am a practical person who does not wish to become a material gal. No thanks. Possessions mean nothing to me. This lifestyle keeps me honest and simple. And it enables me to remain totally independent which is something I place very high value on.

I brought my daughters up to KNOW that money is not important nor necessary for happiness and contentment. Love and money do not share any common good. I brought them up to be independent and to always look out for themselves first- in every sense. When the time comes for sharing love and life, money can be shared at that time…but they must always have the ways and means to provide for themselves. To do otherwise is just stupid in todays world. Women need men who have character and honor and morals and values. Not men who worry and whine about money and divorces and all that. When we remove this “issue” from the table, things take on a different meaning.

I hope those who think dehydrating to death people who are in a coma reconsider their harsh ignorance. Doctors all over the world are using trials of this drug, Zolpidem- brand name Ambien- to see if it does indeed bring back a level of alertness to those once considered brain dead.

AFTER her teenage daughter slipped into a coma, Thelma Pickard never lost hope of recovery.

Six years on, the devoted mother is daring to believe her hopes may be answered.

Daughter Amy, now 23, has begun to show signs of life after being given an over-the-counter sleeping pill. Last night Mrs Pickard said the ‘old sparkle’ returned to her daughter’s eyes when she was given a pill and described the change as ‘amazing’.

Until last month she remained seemingly lifeless in bed in a nursing home.

But now, barely four weeks after taking her first Zolpidem pill as part of a worldwide trial, she is breathing by herself, instead of through a hole in her throat, reacting to food and showing signs of awareness.

Mrs Pickard, 54, said: ‘She is changing and it is amazing. When she takes the pill, I see her face relax and the old sparkle return to her eyes. It’s incredible. When I look at her now I can see the old Amy coming through, fighting to get out.’

Two weeks ago Amy stood up - with support from two nurses - for the first time since she lost consciousness. She is also focusing on objects and making voluntary noises rather than staring into space with no sign of life.

Amy was 17 and preparing for the birth of her first child when she slipped into a coma six years ago.

She collapsed and suffered severe brain damage after experimenting with heroin. Shortly afterwards, former nurse Mrs Pickard, a
mother of two from Hastings, East Sussex, allowed an image of the teenager in her hospital bed to be released as a poignant plea to persuade others not to use drugs.

Since then she has spent hours at her daughter’s bedside at the Raphael Medical Centre in Tonbridge, Kent, visiting every day.
[...]
Doctors have warned it could take months for a major breakthrough-in her daughter’s condition- but Mrs Pickard says progress is already obvious.

‘Her eyes are now focusing on things, she’s more aware of her surroundings and she’s making so much noise - almost forming actual words. It’s remarkable.’

Amy is also reacting to food and drink - grimacing when given a lemon or something sour and smiling when given something sweet.

Why rush to kill someone who is in a state of consciousness we know so little about? Terri Schiavo was a victim of many things, most of all the denial by many who claimed she wasn’t…really…alive…yet she was. In fact her state of awareness was higher than Amy’s. Terri was condemned to die. Had that happened a couple years later, she may have been given this drug to see if it altered her state of being, and perhaps we would see Terri differently now. We’ll never know since her husband and his friends in the court system killed her. How shameful has society become?

About praising the kids:

The downside of too much praise is that kids may start to focus on the reward rather than what they are learning. Worse, failure can be devastating and confusing for a student whose confidence is based on an inflated ego, rather than his or her actual abilities, the magazine notes. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t praise our kids or that teachers shouldn’t try to engender self-confidence. But self-esteem should be the result of good grades and achievement, not false accomplishments.

I think we’re seeing a generation of young adults who are victims of this rah-rah mentality.

This is a response to my critics at SadlyNo, Group NewsBlog and any others who have linked to the post in question.

Last weekend I put up a post that is being used by many lefty blogs as proof that conservatives don’t “care about the troops”. That post was about a man who has been DX with PTSD, who refuses the help being offered him. He lives in an area where help isn’t nearby and he’s obviously very depressed. I have much sympathy for him and his wife. In spite of the comments left for this post, particularly the comment from my friend Kender, I feel a need to clarify my thoughts and defend them.

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