I just got home. I almost sat through the entire movie. But I couldn’t do it. My buddy kept checking his watch. I kept checking my watch. Hoping. Hoping beyond hope, that the movie would end soon. But it didn’t. And it was getting late.
The movie in question is Uwe Boll’s “In the Name of the King“. It is quite possibly the WORST movie I have ever seen. The screenplay was horrible. The storyline was horrible. The editing was atrocious (scenes just jumped around without in coherence). And there were some big names in it…
Like Burt Reynolds! (Okay, he was supposed to play the role of a medieval king, not exactly who I would cast for that role either.) And then there is Ray Liotta, who plays the “evil sorcerer”, and the role doesn’t fit him
.
Jason Statham, the hero known as “Farmer” who is actually the king’s long-lost son (didn’t see that one coming), tries his best to be good action hero, but he has nothing to work with because the script sucks. So he just looks like he’s pissed off that he got suckered into the half-assed three ring circus that is In the Name of the King.
Matthew Lillard as the King’s treasonous nephew. He acts like the goofy killer in the first Scream throughout the movie. Or perhaps like Shaggy in the movie Scooby-Doo. Maybe a mixture of the two. Maybe he was high during filming. I dunno.
There are other actors in this movie that you will probably recognize. And apparently they too were either suckered in or have just fallen on hard times and need any kind of work. Sad.
As far as the rest of the movie. I just don’t know where to start. The Krug, the evil Lord-of-the-Rings orc-like beasts, look like they belong as the bad guys on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. They honestly look like they are guys in rubberized suits. Nothing near the caliber of Lord of the Rings. I have seen better on made for Sci-Fi Channel movies.
The story line. Poor. As with many movies adapted from video games, its hard to make the plot fit into a two hour movie. But it doesn’t even appear that the writer even tried. Its like something a rambling three year old high on sugar came up with.
And the editing, there were actually a few times throughout the movie where the screen blanked out for three or four seconds and a digital timer clock came on the lower corner of the screen. Obviously the editor of the movie forgot to graduate from film school edit that out of the movie during production. Maybe they thought it would add to the entire amateurishness of the entire experience.
And that is exactly what it was. An experience. Much like being robbed or anally-violated with a pineapple might be labeled “an experience”. This is the kind of stuff that, if it were shown to detainees at Gitmo, I’d have to side with Amnesty International’s claim that to view this movie would equate to heinous torture.
This is not even a renter. Don’t see it. Ever.
Yes my friends… it was that bad.